Candace Karu

The Things We Chuck: Say Goodbye to the Worst of 2016

Candace Karu8 Comments

Bombings and Brexit. Zika and Ebola. Syria, shootings, so many good people dying. And don't get me started on the election. 2016 will go down in history as a uniquely terrible year, full of global chaos, political unrest, fear, loathing, and unrelenting Kardashians.

There is little we can do to impact world affairs, but we do have the power to effect small changes that will eventually add up and make the world a tiny bit less awful.

Here's my list of cultural detritus up for elimination to help make 2017 better, brighter, and a whole lot less icky.

 

Man buns. I thought we dealt with this in 2015. And yet, they're still around.

Waist trainers. Unless your waist is extremely ill behaved.

Floppy felt hats. You don't look like a sexy hippie, you look like a mushroom.

Ripped jeans. Unless you're a tradesperson.

 I guarantee you will regret wearing these sometime in the not too distant future.

I guarantee you will regret wearing these sometime in the not too distant future.

The word "pivot." Unless you're discussing basketball.

Matte lipstick. Unless you're a supermodel or a mime.

Juice cleansing. It doesn't make you healthy, it makes you cranky.

 Negative bonus points for juice cleansing with a Mason jar.

Negative bonus points for juice cleansing with a Mason jar.

Mason jars for anything but canning and pickling. In spite of anything you read on Pinterest, a salad in a Mason jar isn't clever and it's impossible to eat.

Hammer pants. Unless you're MC Hammer on a comeback tour.

The poop emoji. Yes, shit happens; do not make matters worse. Smiling poop is disturbing.

 No shit.

No shit.

Wedge sneakers. Two wrongs don't make a right.

That thing you do with your hands to make a heart. Not even for your wedding photos.

 We get it. You're in love.

We get it. You're in love.

Squad goals. Unless you're headed for a cheerleading competition.

Facebook Live. Make it die.

Heels with socks. Unless you're five and a half and they're your mom's heels. Otherwise, no.

 You look like an extra from a WWII movie.

You look like an extra from a WWII movie.

Sriracha on everything. Anything worth doing is not worth overdoing.

Dabbing. Unless you're Betty White.

 Get it, Betty!

Get it, Betty!

Snapchat animal filters. If you're old enough to be on Snapchat, you're too old to be doing this.

 I did it once. I still feel a little dirty.

I did it once. I still feel a little dirty.

Beard jewelry. No. Just no. (OK, maybe at Christmas time. But only ironically.)

The Mannequin Challenge. Hold still and let me slap you.

Frosé. Frozen wine should be a felony offense.

Cat eye makeup. Unless you're wearing a black latex catsuit and carrying a whip.