Candace Karu

M.O.B. Rule

Candace4 Comments

The details of a wedding are all about the M.O.B.


The happy couple.

My daughter and her fiance are getting married in October. This is an occasion for much joy and celebration. The groom is a wonder: smart and sweet, hardworking and easy on the eyes. They are great as a couple and I take enormous pride in the fact that I introduced them. The engagement has been a source of happiness for them and for their families. I want their wedding to be the happiest day of their lives, the perfect first day of their journey as husband and wife. While the undertaking is a noble one, there are days when it feels like a mission of Herculean proportions. As the Mother Of the Bride, I feel responsible for making this a day that will live on as a happy memory for all who attend. There are times -- and these times have really surprised me -- when I wonder if I'm up to the task.

Don't get me wrong. I love, love, love throwing parties - the bigger, the better. I do this often and with gusto. If I have my way -- and I usually do -- this will be an amazing party, a fete to go down in history. But weddings, I am finding out, come with a unique and arcane set of challenges. It's enough to make me shout: Man Over Board and then jump in to join him.


Cape Elizabeth, Maine.


The groom is Catching a Piece of Maine


The bride is flipping a piece of Maine

Let's start with the guest list. It seems to grow and morph daily, each permutation representing the potential for discord. The groom comes from a large, close extended family and has an impressive group of friends. He has lived in our town his entire life. He is a well-known local business owner. The bride's circle is somewhat smaller, but no less complicated. Both families have been expanded, and are a skosh more awkward by virtue of the detritus that comes with divorce. Exes and currents and special friends...Oh my! The bride, who also owns her own small business, has friends coming from around the country. The seating chart alone will present Massive Opportunity for Bedlam. The major players are already Making Open Bets about wedding related contretemps.


The Black Point Inn

What was initially conceived as a small, casual, backyard affair, has morphed into a magical wedding weekend. As the numbers grew, the event was relocated to a local inn, where, for two nights, the wedding party and out-of-town guests will take over the entire place. The inn is old and charming with sweeping views of the Atlantic. Early October, the height of Maine fall foliage, will showcase New England's glorious autumnal extravaganza. Mother Nature will be in charge of exterior decor.  Good weather or bad, we've got it covered. If it's a fair day, the wedding will take place outside with panoramic ocean vistas in the background. Should a Nor'easter hit, we can move the whole thing inside in front of a roaring fire. In any event, the occasion will definitely require Many Open Bars.


This looks just like "Little Mel," my first car.

There is no doubt that wedding planning can be stressful, but so far, we've been lucky. The bride has been an absolute dream. After a half-hearted attempt at trying on dresses in Boston - yes, we made the requisite pilgrimage to Priscilla of Boston - she flew to New York, grabbed her Bestie and Maid of Honor and headed straight to Vera Wang. There, in a matter of minutes, she found and purchased a dress that cost exactly twice as much as my first car. The dress was the first of many indications that this event, while joyous, was headed to the land of Mostly Over Budget.


Flora Home. Each bouquet is a work of art.

For the most part, the details are falling into place with a surprising lack stress and confusion. This is due largely to the disposition of the bride and the help of my incredible baby sister, the talented event planner Stephanie Pilk of Flora Home Studio. Venue? Check. Flowers? Check. Photographer? Check. Food? Check. Music? Check? Guest list finalized? Check-ish. I'd say we have Many Obstacles Behind us.

The bride, as is her habit, has kept a cool head. Her laid-back approach to the nuptials has made me appreciate her basic character and essential good nature. Is she complicated and quirky and just a little prickly? Definitely. But combine those qualities with a wicked sense of humor and a biting wit, and I have come to realize, she is the perfect person to go through this truly bizarre experience with. All I can say is that planning a wedding, at least for this Bride and MOB have been a Major Opportunity for Bonding.


The Bride and her (very proud) mother.