Single File: The Best and Worst of Single Life

I just celebrated an anniversary. I have been officially single for 16 years.

It never occurred to my younger self that I would spend the second half of my life as a single person. Not in my wildest imagination did I envision navigating solo through mid-life and beyond. 

Honestly, as a much younger woman, when I bothered to think about what my Golden Years would look like, I imagined they would be something like an erectile dysfunction drug commercial. You know, the ones where the mature, but still totally hot-looking couple spend the day doing all the fun things you never had time for as young marrieds. Like them, I pictured us playing tennis, antiquing, sailing, whipping up a gourmet meal in our magazine-worthy kitchen – all the while staring lustfully at each other and sneaking kisses – before ending our day with mind-blowing, if medically enhanced, boinking. 

I naively thought that once our children were appropriately educated and had decamped to more inviting pastures, the hubs and I would take advantage of our exquisitely redesigned and decidedly empty nest to recapture the bliss and excitement of our younger years. We’d travel. We’d learn Italian. We’d cook together. We’d finally get a subscription to the symphony. And our sex life would soar to heretofore-unknown heights. We would be that enviable couple, sitting in our backyard claw foot tubs, holding hands and gazing at the sunset. 

Sadly, this was not to be. Before both children were officially launched, my marriage ended. I was a single parent for a few years, but since then – for the last 13 years to be exact – I have lived alone, with only silent and alarmingly unhelpful dogs for companionship. This anniversary and what it represents never fails to grab my attention.  How did this happen to me?

While it’s true I never thought I’d be single for such a long time, these years have been the most productive and fulfilling of my life. My career has taken me in directions both unexpected and exciting. My now-adult children live close to me and continue to bring me unexpected joy almost every day. I count my siblings among my closest friends and am lucky to hang out with my mother at least once a week. The breadth and scope of my friendships enrich my life beyond measure.

“Single living isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if like me, you really like spending time alone and don’t mind extreme independence, charting your own course can be an exciting adventure.”

And truth be told, being single has real advantages. Single living isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if like me, you really like spending time alone and don’t mind extreme independence, charting your own course can be an exciting adventure.

The Top Five Advantages of Single Life

• Time management – Outside the boundaries created by work, I am entirely the boss of me. I can go to the movies in the middle of the day. Eat dinner at midnight or 5 pm. I’m an early riser. And a restless sleeper. And a sleep walker. I turn on the light to read in the middle of the night. I’m compulsively early for all appointments. As annoying as one or all of these personality quirks might be, it’s liberating to settle into my eccentricities and foibles rather than feel guilty about how they annoy anyone in my wake. 
   
• Asset allocation – I never have to sweat the arrival of the AmEx bill or sneak shopping bags into the house. I never find it necessary to deploy my former default shoe lie. “What, these? They’re not new, you’ve seen these a bunch of times before.” If I’m saving for a destination vacation, I know the destination will be the one at the very top of my list and not the compromise third choice.

• Food choices and meal preparation – As a singleton, I can count either cereal or cheese & crackers as legitimate dinner choices. My stash of one perfect Divine Chocolate bar will be always at the ready when circumstances demand its immediate consumption. I am not remotely concerned if the entire contents of my refrigerator consist of a good bottle of champagne and an assortment of exotic condiments. Conversely if my refrigerator happens to be full of expensive perishables and meticulously prepared dishes slated for an upcoming photo shoot, I don’t have to worry about their mysterious disappearance before the first frame is shot.
   
• Remote autonomy – You say there’s a Downton Abbey marathon? Count me in. Yes, I’m aware that it’s Super Bowl Sunday/The Final Four/The Stanley Cup playoffs. Pick your sporting event, I’m still gonna have to go with The Granthams and their retinue, turning my back on the plight of the Patriots/Wildcats/Bruins. And you know what? My dog, silent though he may be, never complains. Having total remote control is my idea of heaven.
   
• Closet (and bathroom) case – I have a decent sized walk-in closet, a closet filled to overflowing. With my stuff. Ditto my reasonably spacious bathroom. Everything is exactly where I want it. The laundry, when dirty, goes not on the floor but in the hamper. The sink is free of errant hairs and toothpaste globs. The toilet seat is down, the toilet paper roll is never empty, and the paper rolls over from the top, not under from the bottom.

For all these reasons and more, on most days I love being single. But there are times when I think: “Maybe that special someone is out there just waiting for me to find him,” all indications from Match, eHarmony, OKCupid, and Tinder to the contrary. Because, as happy as my life is, there are a handful of things I still miss about being married.

The Five Things I Miss Most about Being Married

• To have and to hold – It turns out those marriage vows I took so many years ago were pretty much spot on. They capture much of what is good about being married, starting with “to have and to hold.” I miss having a person. You know, that one person who is your emergency contact, your wing-man, your back-haver. And I miss the holding part, especially at the end of a long, difficult day. The holding part is really nice.
   
• For better, for worse – I miss having a person who truly appreciates everything it took for me to discover my best self. And I really miss having a person who, when I’m at my absolute worst, trusts that this is a fleeting aberration and I will return to the really amazing version of me that was temporarily side-tracked. For reasons best left unsaid.
   
• For richer, for poorer – I don’t mind admitting that I miss sharing the wealth in whatever form it takes – money, experiences, family time. On the flip side, sharing the burden of wealth’s absence is a lot better than being poor on your own.
   
• In sickness and in health – This one’s a no brainer, being sick and single can be a miserable experience. But maybe even more regrettable is missing out on sharing good health with your special person, especially at mid-life and beyond. Good health is such a gift, having someone you love along to celebrate a strong, fit body, whether it’s on a run, on the tennis court, or in bed, is something to aspire to.
   
• And behind the wheel – This one may sound trivial, but trust me, it’s huge on my list. I’m not a bad driver, but I don’t always love driving. I have a crap sense of direction and lousy night vision. And because I’m the size of a reasonably developed 12-year-old, any more than one glass of wine puts me at risk for a DUI. I miss having a partner who is a skilled, confident, and enthusiastic driver with an unerring sense of direction. Is that too much to ask?

It’s entirely possible, nay, likely, that I will remain single for the rest of my life. I’m not at all dismayed by the prospect of retaining my unmarried status. I will continue to fill my life with family, friends, dogs, and adventures. But I will always leave the door to my heart slightly ajar.
Just in case.

Lobster Roll Model (and a Little Whoopie on the Side)

Though some may lament Labor Day as the unofficial end of summer, it happens to be one of my favorite times of year – a lovely three-day respite and a gateway to fall.

If you ask me, we are officially entering the most exquisite 8 weeks of the year on the coast of Maine. For most families, school is back in session or about to begin. Summer’s loosey goosey, free form agenda for the past few months, gets corralled as order is restored to even the most chaotic schedules. Parking in downtown Portland is easier, reservations to our favorite restaurants are more readily available. The natives are breathing just a little easier.

And the weather. Who wouldn’t fall in love with Maine when the days are warm, breezy and dry and the nights are cool and clear? Autumn is just beginning to whisper its secrets in your ear as you sleep. Perfect sleeping weather; the phrase was invented for this time of year.

The garden seems to be working overtime for us to get our money’s worth with tomatoes, squashes, tomatillos, peppers, and all kinds of gorgeous flowers. And the bees are working as hard as their wingless gardening counterparts.

At my house, Labor Day calls for a lobster bake, you know all the traditional fixings – steamed lobster and steamers with drawn butter, fresh corn and tomatoes, potatoes. What could be better?

We always cook extra lobsters so there is enough meat for lobster rolls the next day. Nothing could be simpler than a genuine Maine lobster roll. Only two ingredients are absolutely necessary – lobster and a roll.

For authenticity, the lobster must be fresh and the roll must be New England style, the kind that has no crust on the bottom and the top. The best rolls are smeared with butter on the outside, toasted golden brown and delivered to the table still warm.

Some people like their lobster mixed with melted butter, some with a dollop of mayonnaise, some say naked lobster meat is best. Served with potato chips and a cold beer and you are in heaven – Maine style.

For dessert, there’s only one way to go and that’s with an authentic, homemade Whoopie Pie (see below for recipe!). These chocolatey, marshmallowy confections are a Maine tradition and the recipe that follows has been passed down for five generations of Mainahs.

You can thank me after you’ve recovered from your Made-in-Maine food coma!

Click here for my whoopie pie recipe!

File Under: Musings

There are days when you think you look all pretty and regal and you're feeling fairly good about things. Until you realize you have bird shit all over your damn tiara.

Notes from The Other Portland: The International Food Bloggers Conference

It would have been almost impossible to think of a better situation, personally and professionally. Last Thursday I traveled from Portland, Maine across the country to Portland, Oregon. I was headed to the International Food Bloggers Conference, which promised to be a learning and networking experience like no other. Better still, I was there representing the 1200 farm family owners of Cabot Creamery, an IFBC sponsor.

Before things got officially underway, on Thursday evening there was a book party and welcoming get-together at the storied Mother’s Bistro & Bar where early bird attendees sampled delectable local fare and some of the most inventive cocktails I’ve ever encountered.

On the way to the party at Mother’s, I took time to explore downtown Portlandia. This is one seriously cool town, and I only scratched the surface. I really need to go back. Soon.

Friday’s agenda included an opening lunch sponsored by another great farmer-owned cooperative Organic Valley, followed by a schedule of sessions and workshops for 200+ food bloggers of every stripe and level of experience.

On Friday night there was a Gourmet Fair and de facto Swagapalooza (the sponsors were very generous with goodies for the swag bags), with tasting stations to satisfy virtually any culinary inclination. I brought five different Cabot cheddars to sample, including Cabot Clothbound, aged in the Cellars at Jasper Hill. By happy coincidence we were close to the Mionetto Prosecco station and discovered just how great the pairing of quality Italian bubbles and aged cheddar can be.

There is magic that happens when you get a group of like-minded people together to connect with each other and luminaries in their field. The sponsors added sparkle to the proceedings, expanding our knowledge of tools, food, wine and spirits, and resources. There were iconic brands like Wusthof knives, OXO innovative kitchen product and Analon cookware, food brands like USA Pears, Made in Nature dried fruits and Nutive. You can check out the list of other outstanding sponsors here.

The presenters were equally stellar.  I got to meet a couple of my blogging idols: that would be you, Brokeass Gourmet and you, too, The Shiksa in the Kitchen and met lots of new bloggers to follow.

Held in one of the great food-centric cities in the country, Portland greeted the far-flung food bloggers with open arms and a vast array of local comestibles and drinks from all over Oregon. The variety, creativity, and genuine joy for the food had us all reaching for keyboards and cameras in a desperate attempt to capture in words and pictures that which should, by rights, be tasted and savored. There’s already been chatter among us about next year…in Seattle!

Brunch in the Strata-sphere

Having people over for Sunday brunch is just about my favorite way to entertain.  It’s easy and if you plan properly, you can get a lot of the work done before hand and enjoy your guests. My go-to brunch dish is this Make-Ahead Brunch Strata. I adapted my recipe from one I found Cabot’s website. It has served me well for years.

The beauty of this dish is its versatility. You can use just about anything handy for the base – stale bread, frozen waffles, frozen hash brown potatoes (thaw and dry first), croutons – whatever strikes your fancy. The same is true for the filling. An all-vegetable version is delicious, as is all meat – bacon, sausage, ground turkey, Canadian bacon. Give it a south-of-the-border twist by adding salsa and chorizo, or a hint of Italy with sun-dried tomatoes and pancetta. Let your imagination go wild.

The other thing I love for brunch can also be made ahead of time, are these crowd-pleasing Cheddar & Sage Corn Muffins which I make in mini muffin tins. Just the right size for a party.

The simplest salad was just outside my kitchen door – cherry tomatoes in cheery colors – combined with fresh basil, the tomatoes’ neighbor in the garden, and fresh mozzarella. Add a spritz of balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil and you have a perfect Caprese salad.

In my house, every meal should end with a sweet, but I like to keep things light in the summer. The Barefoot Contessa’s Lemon Bars are a perfect way to end a summer brunch.

Follow the link below for my go-to brunch recipe.

Make-Ahead Brunch Strata

File Under: Musings

There are days, and this is one of them, when I just feel like making my own trail mix.